This morning started out rough. In fact, sitting at my desk at 4:00, knowing I have less than an hour left at a job I enjoy… it still feels rough. I woke up tired. We dragged ourselves out of bed at 6:00 to run then it was off to work. Starting Day one of my 21 Day Fix diet plan… again. The last time, didn’t stick. But I thought I’d give it another round because it’s healthy and I can get behind the principles of clean eating. Anyway. I feel done. As I sit here taking a moment to form a game plan for my evening alone, what will I make for dinner, what time will Steve be home, what show will I watch with what flavor tea I drink… etc. I begin to drift into a thought of how funny it is, the many different roles that God has us fill for different people’s lives.
Recently Steve and I had a quiet discussion laying on the couch about how funny it is that we have been so many things to each other. First we were co-workers. We worked together for years. At least 2 years… almost 3. That turned into friendship… I mean really… look at this face:
I mean, how could you not be friends with that guy? Anyway, After I switched jobs he ended up becoming a distant friend through social media. Then he moved further away for a new job. Then he moved back for a few reasons and we began hanging out and soon we were a couple. Fast forward a few years and I am his fiance’. In 2 more years I will be his wife. In a few years after that I will be the mother to his children (God willing). And it doesn’t end there with the roles. My oldest best friend was once a friend of an acquaintance that just happened to sit in the same science class as me. Then she turned into a friend. Then a best friend. Now she’s my matron of honor. I mean, it really is funny, isn’t it?
It leads me to wonder, what roles I have filled. Whether they are insignificant in that I held a door open for someone who was having a rough day or it was something more significant like daughter or fiance’, etc. We fill roles and half the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it. I don’t think our subconscious can be given credit for it. I think there’s more happening here. I think God puts us right where he wants us through every walk of our life and there’s something magical about that. I’m even suggesting that happens for the not so positive roles we’ve played in people’s lives. It’s funny to me that we can be more than what we think we are because of a purpose that we don’t know yet. There is a bigger reason I have this job, this ring and this dog. There is always a bigger reason.
This very thought can make me feel brave and overwhelmed all at once. I feel like I am so brave because no matter what, my Heavenly Father is walking this journey right beside me on the good days and the awful and rotten ones. For someone like me, with anxiety, there are days this works against me and fills me with fear that I’ve missed my purpose or I won’t live up to my role. Here’s the thing: I will. Anxiety is your brain’s way of tricking you into thinking you’re not good enough or that something will go wrong. It could also be said that that is the greater enemy. I won’t delve into that. I’ll keep this light and hopeful. Again, I digress because I write much like I think. It’s not always clear and concise. However there is always an idea or experience. And today’s idea is this: You are always a something to someone. So I guess my new goal is to try to make it count in a positive way.