Today I’m writing about something that occurred to me while I was looking at my calendar for the week… on Monday. It’s now Friday. Work has been consistently busy all week so I haven’t had a chance to do more than jot down my thoughts on some random scrap paper laying around. This factors into my thought for the day, “Being a human is really hard”!
I am lucky enough work full time, Monday through Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I love my job and all the people I work with. That being said, it leaves very little time for much else during the week. My typical week goes something like the following:
Monday: Home at 5:15. Pack my lunch, lay out Tuesday’s clothes. Then Laundry. Steve has class so it’s just me and Arrow until almost bed time. When he gets home we get an hour or so of quality time and then it’s off to bed.
Tuesday: Lately immediately after work it’s been wedding appointments for a large chunk of time. Dinner of some kind (Steve’s night for dinner). Prep for tomorrow’s lunch. Then bed.
Wednesday: Home. Prep-work for lunch and clothes for the next day. Shower and then I have to take off to my church group that meets 6:45-9:00 on Wednesday nights. By the time I get home I have maybe an hour before we go to bed.
Thursday: Home. Next day prep. Then cooking dinner. Eat Dinner. Clean up dinner and then I have about 2 hours before bed.
Friday: FREE DAY! After I get home I don’t have to pack a lunch or pick out clothes. I have no bedtime! Holy adulthood! I can leave all my pressure at the door! It’s sick that even as an adult, I look forward to Fridays because I don’t have to beat the clock to bed. My 8 year old self would be so disappointed in me!
In planning out what dinners I’m cooking or where to squeeze in social interactions I will have I basically need to front load my day (when I can) with exercise. Then when I get home I only have a little bit of time to do the things I choose but let’s be honest… We all need some shut off time for our brains at the end of the day. I like to sit and have some wine and watch TV for a bit. Or flip through a cook book. I can’t always be “on” and be happy. And although I try to make it through my prayers and conversations with God, I can’t always make it through without falling asleep by the end of the day. I often times try to pick up where I left off when I wake up in the middle of the night, or while I’m driving to work.
How do parents do it?? I mean, really?!?! I have myself, my fiance and our dog to keep watch over and some days I still take a shower just to get some “me time”. In the media it’s commonly shoved down our throats that we need to shop for only the finest most organic produce (time & money). We need to make time daily for at least 30 minutes of exercise every single day (time). We need to work. All day, 5 days a week and go above and beyond some days. We need to work longer than our fair share to be noticed (time). We need to go out so we can meet Mr. or Ms. Right (time). We need to get married. We need to plan a wedding fit for all (time & money). We need to have kids, next (time & money). We need to make time for church and the groups and prayer (time). Not to mention all the other adult responsibilities like paying our bills. Paying for education that we’re expected to have. Paying for our housing choices. I mean… really, the resources here that we are really lacking is time and money. Being a human is SO HARD! I’m not super woman… I’m a plane Jane! How can I be expected to do all of these things?
Lately I’ve been discussing a lot of things with our church group and things have come up in our Sunday services that can apply here. First, my anxiety about not having enough of the things I need, like money or time. I am constantly worried and counting pennies. I don’t make a ton of money, neither does my fiance. But I do owe almost $400 a month in student loans. So you can see how that is a stressor for me. Lately something has really hit home with me. God provides you with just enough, just in time. And when this lesson was first talked about I really sat and thought about it. I’ve never had to call a student loan provider or my car loan provider and negotiate a payment that I can’t make. We have certainly been tight. There are months that I can’t even buy a $6.00 bottle of red wine to have with dinner. But, the moral is, my bills are paid and our bellies are full.
Secondly, one of my group members brought up a good point that I try to reflect on whenever my anxiety starts to run away with me. When we worry about not having enough or something that we have on our horizon, we are doing a disservice to God. By us worrying we are saying we don’t trust Him to provide for us. I am not saying that this thought has cured my anxiety… wouldn’t that be great? To just wake up one day and think that way and suddenly all your worries are gone? haha! With anxiety as deeply rooted as mine, that’s not likely. BUT, it is a training process. I work really hard at recognizing anxiety and trying to route that back to how can God help me with this? Am I working to undo what He’s done within me? You know what? It’s helped on a few occasions.
My thought is this: We can never truly fit everything that society tells us we should, into one single day. If we did, we would be crazy busy, overstimulated and unhappy. I mean haven’t you ever met one of those fitness trainers that is up from the light of dawn only eating organic stuff and full of energy? No one likes those people… no one. Don’t be that person. Instead be content to build your day around the stuff you want to do. I am learning to do that. To be okay with what I can do.