Adulthood is a Synonym for Accountability

My absolutely incredible shoes that I'm in love with. They just so happen to match my necklace perfectly!

My absolutely incredible shoes that I’m in love with. They just so happen to match my necklace perfectly!

My morning looked like this: Go for a run (after boyfriend dragged me out of bed, basically kicking and effing screaming), log my calories burned so I can eat more later. Get ready for work (hair and makeup and matching outfit!) Acknowledge that my outfit is on point and I look marvelous, today. I mean, just look at those shoes… Come. On. *pause* DAMN GINA! Get to work by 8:00. Make my breakfast. Log my purchases from the weekend in my budget spreadsheet. Then while I’m eating my breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, log my calories for food for the day, well at least the stuff I KNOW I’m going to eat.

What my morning USED to look like: ALARM… ALARM… ALARM… *snooze*. Do this 24 more times. Roll out of bed. Put on the closest sports bra and yoga pants. Go downstairs, what’s for breakfast? Raw Hot dog (that’s like sausage right?)… maybe some almonds (for protein)… a banana (for the fruit). Then watch an episode of some reality TV show… get to the gym. Work hard for a while. Run a bit. Watch the Food Network while I run for miles and then make it home, eventually. Stopping for an iced coffee on the way, then eventually shower and throw on the first pair of jeans and shirt within reach. Editor’s note: This is in addition to finishing college classes and waitressing. I was not a lazy slob.

The main difference here is this: ACCOUNTABILITY. When I first started thinking about this I thought how funny it was that no one has asked me any of what I did, what I ate, what I spent, nothin. No questions from no one. And yet, I still write it down, log it, count it, etc. The main reason? Because as an adult, you’re accountable, if even only to yourself. It adds structure to my otherwise unstructured life. I think that’s when you know you’re a grown up. I used to not be accountable to anyone. Myself included. I spent $25 on a pair of pants at Target? So what? As soon as that money was out of my wallet it was gone and so was my thought about it. NOW, well… it’s a very different story. Now my thoughts go something like, “Only $25 for a shirt? That’s not too bad. But, will I want to see it on my online bank statement AND write it into my budget? Will I regret it by the time I account for it 2 or 3 times?” The same process goes into calories or working out to earn more calories.

Adulthood is funny like that. We spend our whole youth trying NOT to be accountable for things. It’s none of anyone’s business what I ate, what homework I did (or didn’t) do, If I want to sleep 7 hours, I will sleep 7 hours… in the middle of the day… watching a Jersey Shore! Who cares? Now as an adult you try to get anyone to care. Ironic? could do a seductive dance and song while telling my boyfriend what I spent at Target and he wouldn’t care. Yeah, there is certainly irony running through the veins of this post. But the reality of my adult life… the new normal is that I need to write everything down on paper and spreadsheets and lists and sticky notes… because if I don’t I will forget and then all the balls I’m juggling will fall. I will forget I spent that money, I will forget I ate 4 servings of Ritz crackers and then overeat later.

Keep in mind, this post comes from a late twenty-something woman with anxiety and is an EXTREME on the introvert spectrum. I find small victories in things like… my appearance has all 3 components of a “put together” adult: hair styled, make up on, cute outfit. That alone is cause to celebrate! And if that means I need to write it down 100 times in 100 different locations, in order to succeed as an adult than so be it! Bring on the sticky notes! Today I have leveled up in my Monday adulthood game. And for me, that’s enough.

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