Thinking Differently From Most Girls Causes Me a Lot of Grief

There are a lot of ways I am a typical 27-year-old woman. I enjoy cooking. A lot. I enjoy a clean home and I don’t mind bearing the majority of that burden. I like to wear jewelry and I like shoes. I enjoy being pampered and wined and dined (who wouldn’t?). But, that being said those are primarily the only ways I’m a typical woman my age. Keep in mind I am not the curmudgeon that this is going to paint me as. I prefer to think of myself as low maintenance. I don’t like the attention on me. I grew up with a show stopper, attention addict for a little sister. I am an introvert to the max. It has taken me many years to come to terms with that. Now, that I’ve digressed into a spiral of self explanation that no one wants to hear I’ll get to the original point of this post.

The blessed season is upon us where Spring is in the air and loving couples decide to make everyone else’s lives miserable tie the knot. And last year’s brides and grooms have decided to start their very own family unit, just in time for wedding season. This leaves people like me in a real lurch. You see, I’m stuck somewhere in the middle. I’m not single, but I’m not married or planning a wedding. It’s like Purgatory. Caught in the middle wondering what I did wrong in my life to keep me here. Just kidding about the wondering part… kind of. So, on to the funsie that is this special time.

I don’t like weddings and I like wedding/baby showers even less.  The irony here, is that I used to enjoy weddings and plan my own. That’s one of the reasons my ex and I broke up. He didn’t want to get married. Fast forward a few years and now I still want the marriage, DON’T want the wedding. My boyfriend comes from a big Italian family that celebrates everything. His family requires weddings. I don’t think my family would care much, either way. They know me well enough to realize I’m not about that life. I am as much of a black sheep as I can get from the joyous bride to be. HIS family, on the other hand would shun me and I don’t think it’s smart to start our lives like that together. So, weddings, showers, parties are all a source of tension for us.

This weekend is my very closest friend’s wedding shower. It is at a yacht club. … I’m going to let that process for a minute…. Anyone else see Stepford Wives? My friend is not this person, she’s like me, jeans and a t-shirt but her mother needed to celebrate or something. So, fine. I’ll pretend to be the yacht club type for a couple of hours. I am only doing this for her. I don’t know which of the 3 dresses that I own, to wear. I don’t want to wear any of them. They all make me feel like a prisoner of my social anxiety. Now, this particular girlfriend is as introverted as me and I know she is probably going to be dreading this as much as I am. My thoughts then drifted into the fact that I’ll be planning one of these… “affairs” for lack of better term in the coming years (if boyfriend follows through with his words). Will I want one then? And will I ever want one?

I mean, here’s the thing: I don’t want to be paraded around by my mother like a new pet. If people are coming to my wedding, that’s bad enough. I don’t want to feel like I’m being judged or that I must behave a certain way. I will be expected to open the table of presents in front of an audience, all waiting for my cries of elation that I got the right set of cloth napkins I probably won’t ever use but was pressured into registering for. But… alas, I am not a “cries of elation” kind of girl. So there will be nothing but quiet acknowledgement of my appreciation and mingling. I do not like games. I despise them, actually. So no, Muffin, Candy, and Susan, you will not be fashioning a toilet paper dress for me in under 1 minute to win a trinket of some such mini bathroom candle. Sorry to disappoint you all. There will be cocktails. You all, can drink your mimosas and daiquiris and whatever, but this girl, is allergic to orange juice and I prefer straight whiskey on the rocks. That is how I will get through this ancient and outdated ritual, should I be forced to be the victim of my mother throwing one.

This recently lead me to Google if brides need wedding showers. I found more fluff articles like, “What to ask for at your bridal shower” and “What themes go with what season bride”… *eye roll* but I did find one or two articles that echoed my exact thoughts. If you are already living together, a shower isn’t really necessary. It’s an old school tradition meant to build a bride to be’s wedding dowry. So now, the next 2 wedding showers I have to attend this summer will be spent convincing myself not to “excuse myself to use the lady’s room” whilst running like I stole something to get to my car and on the highway before any other guests spot me. I can’t muster any excitement for this event. Actually, the most exciting this about this is the gift bag I found for her present because it basically was designed for her. That’s what I’m excited about. A disposable gift bag. This is going to be like sitting through a root canal unmedicated.


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