A Refocus Of Realistic Proportions

In reviewing my last post I realized I haven’t posted any kind of an update on the house. Well, that didn’t happen. We went back and forth with the Realtor and the sellers and they wouldn’t accept our offer because the received a second offer. We don’t know for sure but we can only suspect that the offer was either just slightly higher or the other interested party offered lower but didn’t need any concessions. Regardless of the actual reason, the point is here that although we were so worried about actually getting the house I quickly realized I was heart-broken that we didn’t get it! In my head I was accepting that this was going to be our home. We offered more than the asking price. It’s in the perfect location. We’re in!


   So when I got word that our offer was rejected I pretty much came the closest I can come to losing it without actually losing my mind. I did the typical emotional reaction: I cried. I flipped out. I started panicking (that was the worst part). My mother is putting her house up for sale (her goal is) March 1st. I don’t realistically see this happening BUT for the sake of preparation I need to keep that date in my mind. So, after having a brief melt down I decided that I need to look as hard as I can for any… I mean ANY option. As much as Boyfriend and I don’t want to be in a rental again (we’ve both done it before) it’s looking less and less like we have a choice. So after talking to him about it, we both agreed that we could live in an apartment for a year while working on saving as much as we could. This will give him a chance to finish his degree and hopefully get a job within his field. This will help buy me some time as well. We don’t have family room furniture… So that’s huge. We need so many odds and ends, it’s hard to pick and choose. BUT a rental will help us. And if we get in over our heads, we can always pay the fee that it costs to end a lease and move to his parents’ house with our tails tucked between our legs, right?

    So here we are. We have been looking for houses since early in December and we’re still nowhere closer to a home. That being said I have scheduled two appointments with local apartment complexes. Although I have one tonight I am most “excited” about the one I’m supposed to see on Thursday evening. Well, as excited as I can be about another apartment. I’m sorry I sound so pessimistic about apartments. There’s really nothing wrong with them, I am just not happy in community living. I thought I was done with this part of my life years ago. I am an introvert that likes my privacy and quiet. So this makes me feel defeated. VERY defeated. Like a deflated balloon.

   In times of defeat I try to figure out not only what am I learning, here but also, what is He trying to tell me? Is there a reason? Maybe this will buy us a year and it will make a huge difference in our living situation or goals? Maybe we’ll be relocated? Although, I really hope not as my job is one in a million. Maybe Boyfriend will finish his degree and get offered a job that pays better than what he has? I’m not sure here but there has to be an upside to this. My goals have been whittled down constantly in the last few months and I’m beginning to feel deflated. I feel like the next step of my life is a home. Not an apartment. Let me add some perspective.

   You say you want to buy a zoo. So you set out looking for the perfect zoo. You find a few but no one is willing to sell it to you. So after careful consideration you begrudgingly accept the dream of a zoo is further out of reach than you thought and you start looking for petting zoos instead. You spend a few more weeks looking for petting zoos. Same results, smaller goal. Nothing. Notta. Zilch. So then finally, one day completely exhausted from your many month-long search of zoos, both small and large you stop by the local humane society and adopt a cat. That’s where you dream ends. You bought a cat. Cat < Tiger.

   I know the digression was long and completely irrelevant. I hope someone out there gets the point I was trying to make. So now, what I thought was going to be a tiger is turning into a measly little scrappy barn cat. I’m more than a little bummed. Anyway, that’s where we stand. Again, more updates to come, both on what I think I’m supposed to get out of this and on how the apartment appointments go. Once there is an actual residence nailed down, we will be up and going on life’s adventures, hopefully.


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