Something I Work Hard To Find Peace In Every Single Day

This just keeps running through my mind. All. Day. Long.

This just keeps running through my mind. All. Day. Long.

Well, we’re back at it again, folks! Last night we went and saw two more houses with our Realtor. The first house we liked so much, we put an offer on right then and there, standing in the kitchen. It had almost everything we wanted in a first home except a wide driveway and a garage. The Realtor told us the garage could be added later as the neighborhood was zoned for permits for that very thing. He also said there could be 4 offers coming in last night and if we liked it, it was best we act quickly. So we placed an offer right there.

We went and saw the other house on our agenda that was much too out dated and it felt more like a home for a family with older kids. Not a starter home. We spent more time filling out papers for the first home in the second than actually considering the second home. When all was said and done we grabbed a bite to eat and we were in bed by 10:00 pm. Sounds like a good night.

Fast forward to 3:58 am and the pup needs to go out because of his tummy troubles. He is almost always dealing with some kind of tummy troubles. Why, you ask? (in my head I imagine you asking and suggesting alternatives) Because he thinks he is a vacuum, that’s why. From that point on I have been awake. It is now noon and I’m hitting a wall. The point of me telling you this, is that I have been anxious and nervous since I opened my eyes. I have been a worried sick mess about this house.  I’m not worried that the sellers wont accept our offer. I’m more worried the sellers WILL accept our offer. Weird? Not for me.

I am a self-proclaimed “Next-Step-A-Phobe”. I get anxiety about anything that requires me to commit to spending money or changing the way I currently live. I know I shouldn’t be that way. And I’m trying extra hard not to be that way. But I can’t help it. I’ve always been averse to change since I was a little girl. But it was being an adult that caused me to be afraid of the next step. And now I am staring down both barrels.

I just ate lunch…

I feel like I’m going to be sick….

What was I thinking?!?!?!

*breathe in…. breathe out…*

Ok. I am

as collected as I can be at this present moment. I found the picture above on Pinterest the other day and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since I’ve woken up struggling with anxiety like I’ve never had. I’ve been told it’s normal. It’s scary new thing on the horizon. At first, this was an exciting adventure and now it’s an anxiety attack. I just keep listening to His words at church and praying about it. It soothes me for the moment. I look to Him for guidance and relief. I know He will provide and I don’t doubt it. But I’ve never been laced with this kind of responsibility before. I don’t know how this will end. I don’t even know if our offer will be entertained. Only time will tell. Until we get confirmation of either decision I will be a wreck, reciting calming mantras like it’s my job.


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